Love is confusing. People in the U.S. Google the word “love” about 1.2 million times a month. Roughly a quarter of those searches ask, “what is love” or request a “definition of love.”

What is all this confusion about?

Neuroscience tells us that love is caused by certain chemicals in the brain like when you meet someone special, Hormones can trigger a reward response that makes you want to see this person again. Like tasting chocolate, you want more.

Your feelings are the result of these chemical reactions whether it’s a feeling of excitement, attraction, joy or affection. Over time, you might feel comfortable and trusted. Love between a parent and child feels different. It’s  often some combination of affection and care.

But if these feelings are caused by chemical reactions in your brain, is this all what love is? If so, then love seems to be something that largely happens to you. You’d have as much control over falling in love as you’d have over accidentally falling in a hole  I guess not much.

Don’t let yourself be misled. Love as a trainable skill. Love, beyond being an emotion, is also considered a skill that can be cultivated and strengthened through conscious effort and practice. Here’s how love can be viewed as a trainable skill:

• Love is a practice, not just a feeling.
• Engage in loving behaviors over time.
• Requires continuous effort and intention.
• Show up, be present, and choose to care, even in challenging situations.

These relationship skills enhance love: Active Listening, Empathy, Self-Awareness, Communication, Conflict Resolution, Forgiveness, Appreciation and Gratitude. Hyperion calls them superpowers.

You can build a lasting love story by using these skills in a relationship. Connections can be deepened and challenges overcome. For love to grow and thrive consistent effort and dedication are the key.